


In The Stars

by merlins_sister



Category: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 02:59:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlins_sister/pseuds/merlins_sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grief can make you buckle, but it can’t make you break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Doppleganger, nods to Missing. Secondary character death mentioned.
> 
> Written for the choc_fic challenge. Prompt of Feb 23 2008- Stargate: Atlantis, Teyla & Keller (gen or femslash): deathfic (not necessarily either of the prompt characters) - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger

“Teyla, are you all right?”

The voice caused Teyla to start out of her consideration of the stars. She had once looked to them as comfort, a sense of a universe bigger than herself, even with the threat of the Wraith coming from them. But too many losses, too many deaths ... sometimes the brilliance of the stars seemed dulled by their feelings.

By their grief.

She prepared her most serene smile, and turned towards the voice.

Jennifer looked at her in concern. It was a look that threatened to break the control on her emotions as she knew it so well.

Kate would look at her like that.

“I was just considering the events of the last few days,” she managed to say simply.

“That’s what I thought,” Jennifer said, the smile softening her look of concern. “How are you doing?”

“Kate will be sadly missed,” Teyla said, before turning to lean on the railing, and looking out at the stars.

“I hear the Colonel is going back with her body,” Jennifer said coming to stand next to her. Teyla didn’t know if she felt relieved of irritated by this.

“He feels to blame,” Teyla replied, turning to look at her companion. “It isn’t true, of course. But that doesn’t stop the feelings.” Teyla considered her words. “And I think it is also a last act of gratitude for the support she gave him... gave all of us...” Her voice trailed off, and when she spoke again it was softer, more of the emotion unbidden within it.

“There is a certain irony, is there not, that Kate first helped me with my nightmares, nightmares that would ultimately lead us to something of benefit. But when Kate needed help with her nightmares, none of us could help.”

“Kate wasn’t killed by a nightmare,” Jennifer said firmly. “She was killed by an entity capable of inducing fear, and manipulating the physical response to that.”

“She would have been so scared,” Teyla said softly. “If our dreams were even a hint of what the entity was capable of...” 

“Don’t do this to yourself, Teyla,” Jennifer said, concern obvious in her voice again. “Kate would not want you to blame yourself, or feel you should have done more. She knew you would have never let anything happen to her if it was in your power. Just like the Colonel.”

“I know what you say is true, but it does not stop me feeling like I let her down, someone who cared for me, supported me.” She turned to look at the stars again. “It was nice to have someone to talk to,” Teyla continued after a few moments . “When she first approached me I could not consider that I could do such a thing... to talk of my fears to another. I am a leader, leaders need to be strong. But she helped me to understand that we grow stronger by talking about what we fear, that maybe by admitting our weaknesses we may grow from them.”

“Well you know what they say...’what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’,” Jennifer replied with a smile. “Never been sure that I agree with that statement exactly, but I suppose the idea of learning from our mistakes... our pain... it kinda makes sense.”

“You do not feel you have learnt from your experiences here?” Teyla asked.

“I suppose I have, especially in medical terms,” Jennifer replied, before looking down at her feet a little. “Don’t think it’s changed the person I am though... still get pretty scared by everything. “

“I would say fear is a normal reaction to what we deal with,” Teyla replied with a smile. “It’s what you do in the face of that fear that counts.” She smiled further. “Rodney for example talks a great deal, complains, but I know I can trust him to do what needs to be done.”

“Yeah, I can imagine missions with him aren’t exactly quiet,” Jennifer replied with a wry smile. “But you’re right, when he had to he got on with it... went into the Colonel’s head and saved him. I hope I would do the same.”

“I know you would,” Teyla replied, touching her companion gently on the arm.

Jennifer smiled shyly at the gesture. “I was meant t be here comforting you.”

“I think we are meant to be a comfort to each other,” Teyla replied.

“We?”

“Humans... colleagues... friends... family... what are we if we do not care for each other? And then for people we do not even know. It makes us different from the Wraith. That we can face loss and destruction, yet we carry on caring, we carry on growing.” Teyla turned back to the stars, her words reminding her so much of Kate. She had those words inside her, and she felt the truth of one of the first things that Kate had said to her. That she did much for her own, as Kate was here to do for her people. It gave her the first comfort of the last few days. Kate couldn’t have really gone if she could carry on the work with her friends and family.

She glanced at Jennifer, and considered the young doctor’s position. How much the physician reminded her of another lost in this place. But this thought did not make her sad, instead giving her an idea. The comfort of helping another.

“You have not been to New Athos yet, have you?”

Jennifer looked distinctly guilty. “No... I’m sorry, there hasn’t been a need, and I didn’t know if...” Her voice trailed off.

“If they were ready to accept Carson’s replacement?” Teyla finished for her, a soft smile warming her words. “My people are sadly used to loss. We welcome those who help us, even when remembering those who have gone before.”

Jennifer’s smile strengthened. “Perhaps we could arrange a visit then?” After a few moments Jennifer continued, “It would be good to get to know your people... get to know you.” She paused. “I would never want to try and replace Kate, but I could be here to listen, when you’re ready”

Teyla looked at the stars. So much loss, but the stars went on. Stars would die, but others would be created. Stars would die and she would still see them for her lifetime, as their last light travelled to her.

She turned to look at Jennifer. “I would like that too,” she said. “I am sure we could learn a great deal from each other.”

The smile she received in return was reward enough for braving her loss and trying again.

The two companions turned away from the railing and turned back into the city. They walked in silence until Jennifer asked nervously, ”So, any suggestions for how I might be accepted by your people?”

Teyla smiled. “Just be yourself.” Her smile spread. “And take plenty of lollipops.”


End file.
